Saturday, September 26, 2009

If you're not left, you're wrong

See, I told you it was real. I've never been there, except for in my daydreams. I imagine buying lots of land there, building a home for myself, a school for left handed children and adults, a museum dedicated to the history of left handers, and perhaps a left handers resort.
In my wildest dreams, I convince left handed billionaires Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey and Michael Bloomberg to invest in the idea, and with the help of left handed president Barack Obama, who designates the site a National Landmark, we build a Green town customized for left handers.
Does this seem like a crazy idea, Dear Reader? Wouldn't it be nice to have all of the toilet paper holders on the left side, for your convenience? Wouldn't you like to see a museum filled with the artwork, inventions and displays of accomplishments of left handed people throughout history? Don't we deserve a place to meet and learn more about being left handed and ways to adapt in a right hand biased world?
Well, I guess I'd settle for the fantasy if it could be realized in the form of a film. I'd love to write a screenplay with Ben Stiller, a lefty of course, about a utopia for lefties. He could direct and we'd get all of the left handed celebrities, athletes and personalities to star: Owen Wilson, Tina Fey, Jerry Seinfeld, Will Ferrell, Jason Alexander, Vincent D'Onofrio, Angelina Jolie, Whoopi Goldberg, Nicole Kidman, Chris Katan, Diane Keaton, Fran Drescher, Jack and Kelly Osbourne, Eminem, 50 Cent, Bruce Willis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Jay Leno...need I continue? Wouldn't it be awesome to have all of the above in one movie? Perhaps a mockumentary of some sort about a left handed cabal that secretly controls Hollywood and maybe even the world...? Zoolander meets The Da Vinci Code? Sort of Robert Altman inspired, with an entirely left handed cast and crew.
I welcome your comments. Feel free to tell me I'm crazy. I grew up in Brooklyn. I have a thick skin.

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