Power Lefties

Who are the Power Lefties? I've already mentioned the top three, the Super Power Lefties: Oprah Winfrey, Michael Bloomberg and Bill Gates. They're like a Holy Trinity when it comes to what they've done to advance leftkind. I think they're beneficent, and I think it's more than coincidence that they're all left handed. They have true powers, influence that you could only hope to begin to understand.

In some ways they transcend politics and partisanship. As bizarre as it sounds, I think this can be attributed to being left handed. Go with me here for a minute. When you live in a world where your kind makes up only 10% of the population, and every thing around you is made for the other 90%, you learn to adapt. That's what being left handed is like. You grow up adapting to a world made for right handed people, where almost every object, machine and tool is made for their convenience of use. Once you've mastered this biased world, it must seem as if there are no limits... How have Oprah, Bill and Mike done it? One word: Communication. In their own ways, they've Mastered Communication. It's something that's common to all mankind, and they've figured out unique ways to facilitate it. In the club of Super Power Lefties, I would have to also include Barack Obama and Bill Clinton.

It's something to aspire to, I suppose, so that I too can change the world.

Power lefties. Where was I? After the three main branches on the Tree of Left, (okay, I know I take it a little bit too far sometimes) there are my favorite entertainers. Not that Oprah, Bill and Mike aren't entertaining, but perhaps it's not what they're best known for. My favorites when it comes to entertainment are power players in their own left: Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Jerry Seinfeld, Vincent D'Onofrio, Sasha Baron Cohen, Angelina Jolie, Jon Stewart, Whoopi Goldberg, Jay Leno, Drew Carey and Tina Fey. They're all multi-threats, or slashies, as Stiller might say. They're also all strong communicators and creative geniuses.

For a minority that makes up only 10% of the population, we sure do represent!

What Left through yonder window breaks...

I have so many ideas for Left Hand, WV: The Movie. I know that sounds stupid. If there ever is a movie, I want it to be called Left Hand, WV. I want Will Ferrell to play the mayor of Left Hand. I want some of the actors and celebrities to play themselves, and I want some of them to be characters. Will Ferrell is definitely a character. Vincent D'Onofrio would also surely be a character.
Perhaps he could play a deprogrammer for left handed people who were switched to being wrong handed as children. Or perhaps he could be one of the original residents of Left Hand who's part of the secret cabal that's planning to keep all wrong handers out of town...by any means necessary.
I think about characters for him a lot. Sigh. But of course, I think none of them would ever be good enough.
I wish I had a writing partner, someone with more screenwriting experience and discipline. I've been so lazy with my writing in the past couple of years. It makes me feel good when I do it, but the stress of life makes it hard to relax and write most days.
I need to start doing yoga or meditation or something. My job is gonna kill me.

If you're not left, you're wrong

See, I told you it was real. I've never been there, except for in my daydreams. I imagine buying lots of land there, building a home for myself, a school for left handed children and adults, a museum dedicated to the history of left handers, and perhaps a left handers resort.
In my wildest dreams, I convince left handed billionaires Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey and Michael Bloomberg to invest in the idea, and with the help of left handed president Barack Obama, who designates the site a National Landmark, we build a Green town customized for left handers.
Does this seem like a crazy idea, Dear Reader? Wouldn't it be nice to have all of the toilet paper holders on the left side, for your convenience? Wouldn't you like to see a museum filled with the artwork, inventions and displays of accomplishments of left handed people throughout history? Don't we deserve a place to meet and learn more about being left handed and ways to adapt in a right hand biased world?
Well, I guess I'd settle for the fantasy if it could be realized in the form of a film. I'd love to write a screenplay with Ben Stiller, a lefty of course, about a utopia for lefties. He could direct and we'd get all of the left handed celebrities, athletes and personalities to star: Owen Wilson, Tina Fey, Jerry Seinfeld, Will Ferrell, Jason Alexander, Vincent D'Onofrio, Angelina Jolie, Whoopi Goldberg, Nicole Kidman, Chris Katan, Diane Keaton, Fran Drescher, Jack and Kelly Osbourne, Eminem, 50 Cent, Bruce Willis, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Jay Leno...need I continue? Wouldn't it be awesome to have all of the above in one movie? Perhaps a mockumentary of some sort about a left handed cabal that secretly controls Hollywood and maybe even the world...? Zoolander meets The Da Vinci Code? Sort of Robert Altman inspired, with an entirely left handed cast and crew.
I welcome your comments. Feel free to tell me I'm crazy. I grew up in Brooklyn. I have a thick skin.