Lefty vs. Lefty

I can't believe it's been more than a year since my last post. So much has happened, much of it good, but I come here today with a singular purpose, so let's just dive in, shall we? I'm once again gainfully employed and today marks four months at my new job. Overall, I like it. It's challenging, but in a good way, and I'm learning a lot, which is always good. As a true lefty, I tend to see the big picture, so despite the fact that I'm low on the totem pole, for now, there's opportunity to advance and I know that I will in time. Determination has gotten me everywhere in life and I have no problem with working hard to get what I want.
I've never been particularly materialistic. I like security and the ability to have my needs met. Everything after that is considered the Spoils. I have pretty simple tastes, but most of all I crave the peace of mind that comes with knowing the bills are paid and I have no debt whatsoever. I crave experience and knowledge more than "things," to be honest. About the only material things I care for in life are my books, movies and music. I don't care about the Joneses, mostly because I'm too self-centered. If I have what I need, and I have what's important to me, the Joneses have absolutely no interest for me.
So, I'm here to write about my latest life changing experience and how it has brought me to a place I thought I'd left far behind.

Detail from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel

                                                  

I've met another lefty who has me questioning so many things, I hardly know where to begin. I guess it's easiest to start with how I view people in general. In my lefty brain, I compare people to paintings, as I tend to think in pictures and paintings are much like individuals, at least in my mind. Most people are Mondrians at the peak of the neo-plasticism movement: a lot of black lines, white space, with the occasional block of primary color. Most people are abstractions, not much to look at or listen to or think about. There's nothing wrong with Mondrian, but he doesn't exactly thrill me visually. It's the same with most people. They're there, but I don't think or feel very much about them. I've met the occasional Matisse, a vibrant, Fauvist, colorful person who brings me happiness and adds color and depth to my life, but they're few and far between.
I'd say my best friend in the world is a Francis Bacon painting--dark, mysterious, troubled, more than meets the eye. She knows me better than anyone on Earth, but even she only knows about 75% of my mind and heart and soul. I'd say the average close friend knows about 30% of me, if that.
Now, the lefty I've met is...the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. I do not say this lightly or merely to impress you, Dear Reader. I can usually size the average person up within minutes. If you're better than average, it may take a few conversations for me to gauge your depth, but I'll have you pretty much figured out after that and will have decided whether you're worth my time. Honestly, I'd rather be alone than spend time with most people, as I find the kind of small talk that most people tend to engage in a taxing waste of time. Sure, I can talk about the weather and politics and current events until the cows come home, but why bother? My brain has much more important things to do and common discourse bores the shit out of me. Some of the people I work with can waste hours discussing what to have for lunch. It's lunch! It's one meal of thousands you will consume. I don't have the time or patience or brain space for that.
The frescoes on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel were painted by Michelangelo between 1508 and 1512,  after much negotiation with Pope Julius II by the Master to paint what he pleased. There are 343 figures on the ceiling, comprised mostly of scenes from the book of Genesis, including God in the act of creation, a scene that was painted in a single day.
Why do I compare this lefty to the Sistine Chapel's ceiling? Well, I suppose it has a lot to do with Michelangelo, a lefty, whose influence was both Biblical and Humanist. There was a movement towards Classicism in Florence during the Renaissance that included studies of Plato and Socrates, which conflicted with the Catholic church, but which was supported by the Medici family, with which Michelangelo had spent a large part of his childhood. By the time he'd started work on the ceiling, Michelangelo was 32 years old and an established sculptor. He'd sculpted the Pieta at age 24 and there was no stopping him from doing whatever he wanted to do. I believe his decision to paint the ceiling was due in part to a lifelong desire to bridge his two worlds, and I think that's what I see in the lefty I've met.
All lefties live in a world made for the right handed and all of us have to adapt. Some do it better than others. Some lose their minds trying. Some excel beyond all expectation, bridging the gap of existence in a world that's not made for us by creating their own little world, earning fame and billions in the process.
The potential for actualization of this sort is what I see in this lefty. I see a billionaire-in-the-making, but so much more. He's a lefty like a Bill Gates or a Lewis Carroll, which is to say he's much more of a "math lefty," like the aforementioned, but there is something of the Old Master there, some "thing" that I can't exactly put my left forefinger on. It's that mystery that has captured me, one that keeps me up at night trying to figure it out, thinking of our conversations, analyzing each word and glance for what it is that makes me know, with a feeling that I can only describe as intuition, that I'm in the chapel watching the Master at Work. I'm most definitely an "art lefty," so I guess that contributes to my conundrum, and perhaps to my fascination. I see math as an abstraction and I see art and imagination as concretes. For most, it's the other way around.
The planning of a masterpiece like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel took mastery of both math and art. There is finite space in which to tell a story of imagination and creation. Michelangelo used a grid to map the ceiling, and then made the art fit into that grid, with passion and color and depth and heart breaking, mind blowing beauty.
What does one do when in the presence of a lefty like this? How can you inspire them, or can you even touch that? My tendency is to the slavish desire to wash his brushes and bring him whatever he needs to make his day easier, just to be in his presence, to watch and learn, in hopes that something will rub off. When I'm of a higher mind, all I want to do is gush with praise and affirm his brilliance, though I feel he would turn away from that. I haven't felt this way in a long time, if ever. In me a feeling has awakened that I thought had long died, a feeling of wanting to express my deepest desires, to open myself and shed the shell built of pain that has hardened me over so many years. Can this feeling supersede the fear? That's the biggest question. Can my insight into another, and my need to know this person, and let them know me, break down my wall?
In all my moments of distraction and doubt, the question that lingers is always the big picture, that of what if this person is meant to do something for the world, and what if I can somehow foster that, just by letting this person know that I see this potential for greatness in them? That's not to say that I have any great power, but what if they just needed to know that someone else sees it too? Why should my affirmation mean anything, but then again, why should it not?
All I feel I can do most days is close my eyes and think back to 500 years ago, to that ceiling that was once a night sky filled with stars, before it became the imagined story of the creation of the universe, before it was realized into the masterpiece it is. I think of the man, who we see as a master, but who was at the end of the day just a man. He probably ate lunch and talked about the weather and politics. Perhaps it's the simple things that inspired, like the clouds above him in the sky as he made his way to the chapel to work each day, the way the light was in the morning, and the everyday people who surrounded him. Perhaps my approach to this man needs to be the same. Just make him stop and see, and remind him that inspiration is all around us. The idea is already there, he just needs to work and make it real, and know that he's supported, encouraged, appreciated. I think I can do this...

Lefty Looks Back

So, what have I been up to? Well, the job search has been fruitless. I decided to look for some volunteer work just so that I wouldn't go mad. One day in late March I saw a tweet about the impending release of the 1940 Census records and the need for volunteers to index the records for genealogical web sites. It seemed right up my alley, so I signed up. I wanted something to do that had very little restriction in terms of the amount of time I'd have to commit. In other words, I could do as much or as little as I liked on a given day and the only supervision was in the form of an arbitrator, who would compare my work to the original record and rate my accuracy.
The census records were released the first week of April and so many people wanted to view them, the site I signed up to work for kept crashing. After a few days, the problem was fixed and I was able to begin. Since then, I've indexed close to eight thousand individual names. My current accuracy is 98%. A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to become an arbitrator. I really like indexing, but at some point I may switch over to arbitration. The records for Brooklyn and Manhattan were released in early May, so I've done the bulk of my work on them. It's fascinating to read information about what life was like back then.
Just this past week, I got an email that said the project is 50% complete and that the New York records were now available to be searched in the Ancestry.com database. Although I knew it was a long shot that I'd get to index my own families' records, I was hoping they'd be in the database of records that had been released. Lo and behold, after running a search, I found both my mom's and dad's parents.

Manhattan, April 1940

My father's father was listed as living with a host family in Brooklyn, after emigrating from Danzig, Germany. His job was listed as iron worker and his salary was $1600 per year. I called my dad to ask for more information about the iron worker part, as I'd always thought my grandfather was a baker. My dad said that his father was an ornamental iron worker who was part of the team that did the art deco work in the Chrysler building. Unfortunately, any other records of the buildings he worked on have been lost to time.
I also found my father's mother in the records, who was listed as a secretary working for a private company in Manhattan, and she also lived in Brooklyn. My dad wasn't sure where she worked at that time, but the crazy thing is that my grandmother later ended up working in the Chrysler building as well. I remember going to work with her one day during summer break. She let me play around with her fancy electric typewriter and I got to play office and take home all my "work" when the day was through. I remember going to lunch at the Automat that day and then we took the subway back to Brooklyn. When we got off the train, I realized I'd left my manila envelope filled with all my "work" on the seat and it was like losing an important souvenir of my childhood, a thing that made me feel proud and grown up.
Finding my father's parents made me feel happy because I've had very little or no connection to them in my life. My grandfather died five years before I was born and my grandmother died when I was nine. She spoiled me a lot as a child and gave me the unconditional love that every child needs. I'm glad that I had her in my life as long as I did, but I think she left a void that remains in my life to this day.
After another search, I found my mother's parents in the census records. They were already married, living in Brooklyn, with two small children. My grandfather drove a truck for a sugar company, making $1900 per year. I think the only reason he made more money than my iron worker grandfather is that he was probably in a union. Perhaps it's also because my iron worker grandfather was still an alien. He didn't become an American citizen until after WWII, just before my father was born. I also realized that my mother's mother started having babies when she was 18. She would go on to have a total of seven children. My father is an only child, as am I.
While I work on the census records, my mind is constantly imagining what was happening in the lives of the people whose names and personal information I'm typing. I wonder about the encounter with the enumerator, who walked door to door, knocking and then asking for people to give all of their personal information. The 1940 census was taken in April, so I always wonder if it was raining, and I wonder if the enumerator was asked to come inside, to have a seat, offered something to drink. I always wonder about the older widows who lived alone, and wonder whether they're happy for the company. Each name I type was a life, now captured in time on millions of pages, line by line. I hope my work helps others who want to connect to their ancestors, if only just to see their names in print, to know that on one rainy day in April 1940, they were real.

Lefty Dreams

Astroland Park at sunrise

I dreamt of being back in New York last night. I was walking around Manhattan and feeling the way I used to when I was in my 20s. When I first left NYC, I dreamt about it every night. Eventually the dreams stopped happening every night, but it's always memorable when I dream about NYC now. It's like that heart filling feeling of being home, where everything is familiar and I know my way around. I can't even recall having any memorable dreams of Louisville. This place is still a foreign land and I doubt that I'll ever truly love it here. In my waking dreams, I always wish I could go back to Brooklyn and be amongst the real people, instead of the fakers who pass for humans here.
I had two spots of happy news today. I got an email from my friend Annie, who just got reconstructive surgery after a double mastectomy. She is healing and I'm so glad that it seems like the worst is behind her now. They got all the cancer and hopefully this will be it for surgeries. I wish I could go visit her in Maui, but I just can't afford it financially, nor do I think I could leave my cat in someone's care... I really hope to see her again sometime soon. In my heart, I wish I could go visit all of my friends around the country.
The other cool thing that happened is I was Tweeted by one of my favorite lefties, actor Luis Guzman. He was asking for people to Tweet their hometown pride and I Tweeted Brooklyn Pride. He said of course Brooklyn Pride. I love being able to follow my favorite lefties. I just found out that Jason Sudeikis is lefty and I wish he was on Twitter.
I suppose all I can do for now is dream of Brooklyn and dream of a better life. I know things are bad for a lot of people now and I have it better than most. I hope with all my heart that I get to go back to NYC someday soon. Besides craving the bagels and pizza and diner food, I miss the craziness of it all--the crowds, the subway, the noise. I still miss you and love you, NYC. You'll always be in my heart. 

Lefty Gets Social

I've joined Twitter and Facebook in hopes of connecting with more like minded lefties. Since deciding that a left handers museum is the thing I'd like to create for the world, I've been wondering just how to start. I've been following all the power lefties on Twitter, which has been somewhat inspiring. I've been watching Oprah's LifeClass and participating in that somewhat. I've liked all the left handed things there are to like on Facebook. So far, I like Twitter much more than Facebook. Although Facebook has allowed me to connect with some friends I haven't seen or spoken to in years, I like the quick pace of Twitter. It almost seems more satisfying to interact and socialize there. Maybe Facebook will be better when I have more friends there. 
I guess I feel like there has to be more I can be doing to get support for the museum. I was thinking of starting Left Handers History Month, and making it the month of April, to mark the birth of Leonardo. In my research, I have not found that such a history month exists, so why shouldn't I start one?
I've connected with another lefty-obsessed person on Twitter. His name is Rik Smits and he wrote a book about lefties. Rik Smit's book He also has a web site dedicated to lefty history and his studies. Rik Smit's site
The only problem is that he Tweets in Dutch...
Well, maybe I'll try posting to my blog more often and sharing the links. I guess it can't hurt to try...

Miss Me?

Of course not, because I have no followers and no one loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm down in the garden eating worms... Oh well. I'm on Twitter now, too. Not that anyone cares, but I'm there now @Flowers4Leda. I'm doing important things, like promoting my museum idea and following a lot of left handed famous/wealthy people, who I hope will help me build my museum. My first four followers were porn stars, okay? I know, it just means they jump on anyone who's new to Twitter in hopes that we'll click on their porn vids. Well, you can follow me if you care to. I don't care. Really, I don't. I could care less. I've got more important things to do than caring about whether people follow my Tweets. Like right now, I have to go watch some old reruns of AbFab, a show created, written by, and acted in by fabulous lefties... But you don't care, do you...?

Power lefties quickie

I've been meaning to write a new power lefties post for a while. Three power lefties in the music biz who I admire (well, I admire two of them--you can guess which two) are Eminem, Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber. They're also doing their thing using communication. I'm finding that to be a common thread, and I'm finding some of their music/videos to be a huge inspiration for my own communication education. Over this holiday weekend, I plan to study hard and try to glean from their work--I need inspiration. I've gotta get on with this whole thing...

More on Power Lefties

I'm sure everyone has an opinion about the Jay Leno/NBC/Conan O'Brien debacle. Leno is a power lefty, and again, like most power lefties, he used communication to get there. I find it so interesting that Leno was able to win back The Tonight Show, and I just wish I knew more about all of the behind the scenes stuff. If you look at the three power lefties I blogged about back in November, they've all had similar types of power struggles, and all have faced great PR nightmares. Of course, Bill Gates had a lot of problems with Microsoft, including huge lawsuits and being made to seem like the Darth Vader of computer software. Oprah Winfrey has faced every kind of adversity you can think of, including huge media scandals. Michael Bloomberg has faced adversity with both his company and as mayor of New York City, where he successfully ran for his third term in office, after being the person who'd said back in 2001 that Rudolph Giuliani shouldn't be allowed to stay in office for a third term after the 9/11 attacks.

What does it all mean?
Well, in a nice way, it means that they all have lots of moxie. Or to be crude, BIG BALLS! And also, they have very good crisis management teams.

I have to say I've been thinking about all of this because my 2010 Capricorn horoscope says I need to take more risks and basically, learn to be tougher. I want to take inspiration from the power lefties and say, you know what, I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! I want a better job, I want a raise, I want a more secure future, I want to be a power lefty! I just need to grow some balls. Of course, I see Leno, Winfrey, Bloomberg and Gates as inspirations for what they've done to advance our kind, but I also see that sometimes they just had to be what I consider mean. It's hard for me to be really mean. If someone said to me, well, it's his TV show now, like they said to Leno, I'd be all, okay, sorry, just thought I'd ask. Leno was like, so? It was mine first, so nah! And if someone said to me you can't be mayor again, I'd be like, okay, I'll just quit now. Bloomberg was like, watch me, mofos.

I know, having a ton of money helps you to have big balls, or big money=big moxie. But I feel like all of my power lefties had the balls before they had the money. They took chances and risks that most of the time I feel too timid to make. I need the power lefty push. I need something inside that makes me feel like it's okay to risk small things in order to get big things.

How do I get there?